Controlled
I feel very thwarted lately in terms of the things I can't control in my life. I wouldn't venture so far as to say I'm a control freak but I definitely have issue with the parts of life that I can't bend to my will. Maybe that's why today's run felt so good.
It was just Roger, Red and I running "Hell's Green Corridor" (as Red so lovingly dubbed parts of the Towpath). The first contender in the battle of control was the weather. For the first part of our 13 miles it was so humid that my sweat was sweating for fucks sake! Everyone is used to dripping a bit from the normal expected areas of your body but when your wrists and ears and other odd parts start sweating you just KNOW it's going to be a messy, slightly uncomfortable, electrolyte depleting run. By the time we reached Old Carriage Trail right off the Towpath, Red was mentioning how she just might have to take off her shirt and run in just her sportsbra. That both intrigued and unnerved me and I'll tell you why. I have never run in just my sportbra. The mere thought of it scares the everloving shit outta me. Even at my thinnest (which I am not at right now) I couldn't pull off baring my midriff. I don't have kids so I don't even really have an excuse for having such a mis-shapen abdomen. Without a doubt it has to do with the fact that at one point I was as big if not bigger than a full term pregnant woman but still, that's not the only culprit...make way for problem #2 that is out of my control-genetics. I am for the most part built like my father which for a guy that would be great, probably even downright desirable but for a short woman it's not so good sometimes. I could literally starve myself and I will always have a thick waist. And I will also always store body fat there. Don't get me wrong though, there are some things I got from my dad that help a figure tremendously but on a woman, no matter which way you roll the argument around in your mouth, there is nothing sexy or good about a pudgy fat stomach. But nevertheless I joined in with Red and hesitantly pulled my shirt off for this stretch of hopefully deserted trail. After being so frickin hot it was a welcome feel to have the breeze on my skin...too bad that breeze couldn't make me feel comfortable in my own skin because I wasn't. At all. 3 miles later my shirt was back on and any discomfort I was feeling was quickly washed away with the downpour that met us for the next part of our run... I guess that really could fall into the category of "out of my control" problem #1.
Besides the weather and my overly abundant belly, there are other things that are happening that feel out of my control but they're just too boring to go in to. Selling my house, aspects of my husbands job, my ridiculous new haircut...blah, blah, blah I've already lost interest in my own problems. But I will say this-during my run this morning everything that I can't control bounced around my head with a force that should have given me a concussion yet I felt that the one thing I could control at that moment was how I put one foot in front of the other. I ran strong and I ran with purpose...even if it was only to try to escape the out of control demon who has taken up residence in my life. I'm hoping I can draw that kind of control comfort from my runs in the future.
It was just Roger, Red and I running "Hell's Green Corridor" (as Red so lovingly dubbed parts of the Towpath). The first contender in the battle of control was the weather. For the first part of our 13 miles it was so humid that my sweat was sweating for fucks sake! Everyone is used to dripping a bit from the normal expected areas of your body but when your wrists and ears and other odd parts start sweating you just KNOW it's going to be a messy, slightly uncomfortable, electrolyte depleting run. By the time we reached Old Carriage Trail right off the Towpath, Red was mentioning how she just might have to take off her shirt and run in just her sportsbra. That both intrigued and unnerved me and I'll tell you why. I have never run in just my sportbra. The mere thought of it scares the everloving shit outta me. Even at my thinnest (which I am not at right now) I couldn't pull off baring my midriff. I don't have kids so I don't even really have an excuse for having such a mis-shapen abdomen. Without a doubt it has to do with the fact that at one point I was as big if not bigger than a full term pregnant woman but still, that's not the only culprit...make way for problem #2 that is out of my control-genetics. I am for the most part built like my father which for a guy that would be great, probably even downright desirable but for a short woman it's not so good sometimes. I could literally starve myself and I will always have a thick waist. And I will also always store body fat there. Don't get me wrong though, there are some things I got from my dad that help a figure tremendously but on a woman, no matter which way you roll the argument around in your mouth, there is nothing sexy or good about a pudgy fat stomach. But nevertheless I joined in with Red and hesitantly pulled my shirt off for this stretch of hopefully deserted trail. After being so frickin hot it was a welcome feel to have the breeze on my skin...too bad that breeze couldn't make me feel comfortable in my own skin because I wasn't. At all. 3 miles later my shirt was back on and any discomfort I was feeling was quickly washed away with the downpour that met us for the next part of our run... I guess that really could fall into the category of "out of my control" problem #1.
Besides the weather and my overly abundant belly, there are other things that are happening that feel out of my control but they're just too boring to go in to. Selling my house, aspects of my husbands job, my ridiculous new haircut...blah, blah, blah I've already lost interest in my own problems. But I will say this-during my run this morning everything that I can't control bounced around my head with a force that should have given me a concussion yet I felt that the one thing I could control at that moment was how I put one foot in front of the other. I ran strong and I ran with purpose...even if it was only to try to escape the out of control demon who has taken up residence in my life. I'm hoping I can draw that kind of control comfort from my runs in the future.
4 comments:
It's just incredible that I see you in a totally different way that you see yourself. I really was squinting trying to see any evidence of fat. I like your new haircut! Has your hair been "big" today...mine sure has? It's grown outward two inches since noon! The summer look is really here. I'm glad you stripped. You looked great and you ran fabulously!
My hair has been huge Red, simply huge! I hate the humidity.
Oh, and if those pictures weren't so bad then George wouldn't have said "that's startling" when he saw me in the first one *giggle*
Thank you though, I thought you looked fantastic!
As always, too hard on yourself, girlfriend. Time to get a different mirror!
Maria! You got a haircut? You stripped? Oh...just took off your shirt..still, maybe you should start adding pics to your blog. Could everyone else be wrong, seems all but you say how good you look?
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