Happy Belated Birthday to me!

My birthday was 5 days ago and I thought I was done receiving gifts but low and behold, I had one more in store. I stepped on the scale this morning and it flashed that I was 2.5 pounds heavier than I was when I last weighed myself (which, since I'm on a pity party streak, was technically when I was 30 and not this older state of 31). I'm really not that pleased with this development. In fact, it makes me want to go down to my basement and excise my own fat.

I'm so insanely jealous of the people out there who can have the attitude of just "fuel yourself to run" but I can't seem to completely embrace that. It's such a fine line you have to walk between making sure you're eating enough to run well and being able to drop a few extra pounds. I have yet to find that balance. It's got to be there somewhere but the inner fat girl keeps tossing snickers on the scale and throws it all out of whack.

You Creep Me Out

I try really hard not to judge people. Honestly, I really do try. But to the dude who skulks around the park like a weirdo-in-waiting...I don't like you. You make me uneasy. Your mere presence speeds my pace in a way that only imagined harm can do, so for that and that alone, I thank you.

I hate bugs

I won't be able to get any running in this weekend due to a string of previously scheduled booze filled engagements so I was forced to double up two of my shorter runs this morning. I woke up way too freakin' early just so I could fit it in before work. The silence and darkness of the park met me at the ungodly hour of 5 am. Suprisingly the fear I had wasn't for the would be deranged rapists waiting in the woods but for the creatures that always seem to be lurking in that pre-dawn hour. As I ran I saw the glow of little eyes and realized that maybe this wasn't the best idea in the world but I was there and those 12 miles had to get done sometime and I gotta tell you-Cleveland's afternoon humidity isn't something I really feel like fucking around with so this morning was the most viable answer.

Surprisingly though, the run was great... except for the ton of bugs that ended up either in my mouth or in my eyes or stuck somewhere on my sweat soaked skin. And all I could keep thinking over and over again was "Bug in Mouth Disease". That phrase rolled off my tongue unlike the little fuckers that kept getting stuck on it. I couldn't remember where I had heard that and it bothered me all day. But then it popped into my head-it's from one of my favorite websites so here, I always get a kick outta this...hopefully you'll enjoy it too. "Bug In Mouth Disease"

Expectation meets reality

This weekend is full of running. I don't normally run back to back days but per the rest of the group, the 10k race scheduled today in the valley was a must so I decided to suck it up and run both Saturday and Sunday. I've failed to mention along the way here that I recently decided to try my first "ultra" distance race...a 50k (31. sumthin' miles) and I'm really excited by it. It's all on trails so hopefully the wear and tear on my body will be a little less intense than a regular road race. Anyway, knowing that I have a 16 mile trail training run on tap for tomorrow I really didn't want to run this 10k at a breakneck speed (ha, like I have that capability in the first place) so I went to this event with one thing in mind-just enjoy it. And that's exactly what I did.

The weather couldn't have been better even though the temperature was already starting to climb as I pulled into the huge field used for parking. I found Red who was eagerly cheering her daughter on as she ran the kids fun run. To see all those little kids out there is actually very inspiring. It's refreshing to look at their tiny faces and know that what's driving them isn't that gnarled ugly beast that resides in so many adult athletes...they're running cuz it's fun, cuz it feels good and cuz nothing is as carefree as getting away from your parents for a little bit. Once the kids finished their portion of the race, the adults all anxiously toed the line...very few exhibiting the same carefree spirit as the kids-it's more a mixture of self doubt and over inflated egos, nervous laughter and inane chit chat. But nonetheless, this mostly unknown mass of people are my peers and as different a vibe there is between us and the kids, we all at least know what are purpose is.

I told myself from the beginning that I was just here to enjoy my friends company, and the beautiful course and obviously to log that 6 miles I needed to...and that's just what I did. Not only did I thoroughly enjoy myself but I felt strong the whole way though in both mind and body. My time was not my greatest but it wasn't my worst either. Let's just hope that my conservative running today helps keep me strong for tomorrow's run. It really does help to know that Red, Debi & Kurt will be there-after running alone for so many miles over the years it's still so refreshing to have people that I can share these ups and downs with.

Tag, I'm It

I'm guessing this is the equivalent of an "all about you" e-mail. I got tagged so...

“Each player of this game starts with 6 weird things about himself or herself. People who get tagged need to write a blog entry of their own as well as state the rule clearly. In the end, you need to tag 6 people as well and list their names. Don’t forget to let them know they’ve been tagged!”

I thought about it for a few minutes.... and realized I didn't know what the hell to write so here, meet fat rolls 1-5...I'm guessing you didn't know just how fat I really was. Consider yourself enlightened.
Oh and number 6... I hate shit like this. If you send me a chain letter I will not forward it. If you send me inspirational e-mails that instruct me to reply back to you in some fashion, I won't do it. And god forbid, you send me some crap that says something like "true friends are hard to find, send this to everyone and their fucking sister and something great will happen", trust me when I tell you, I will error on the side of inviting disaster.

No disrespect to those that started it-I still love y'alls.

And you guessed right, I'm sitting on my hands, I've taken my ball and gone home, I will not be tagging anyone. Smooches!

Controlled

I feel very thwarted lately in terms of the things I can't control in my life. I wouldn't venture so far as to say I'm a control freak but I definitely have issue with the parts of life that I can't bend to my will. Maybe that's why today's run felt so good.

It was just Roger, Red and I running "Hell's Green Corridor" (as Red so lovingly dubbed parts of the Towpath). The first contender in the battle of control was the weather. For the first part of our 13 miles it was so humid that my sweat was sweating for fucks sake! Everyone is used to dripping a bit from the normal expected areas of your body but when your wrists and ears and other odd parts start sweating you just KNOW it's going to be a messy, slightly uncomfortable, electrolyte depleting run. By the time we reached Old Carriage Trail right off the Towpath, Red was mentioning how she just might have to take off her shirt and run in just her sportsbra. That both intrigued and unnerved me and I'll tell you why. I have never run in just my sportbra. The mere thought of it scares the everloving shit outta me. Even at my thinnest (which I am not at right now) I couldn't pull off baring my midriff. I don't have kids so I don't even really have an excuse for having such a mis-shapen abdomen. Without a doubt it has to do with the fact that at one point I was as big if not bigger than a full term pregnant woman but still, that's not the only culprit...make way for problem #2 that is out of my control-genetics. I am for the most part built like my father which for a guy that would be great, probably even downright desirable but for a short woman it's not so good sometimes. I could literally starve myself and I will always have a thick waist. And I will also always store body fat there. Don't get me wrong though, there are some things I got from my dad that help a figure tremendously but on a woman, no matter which way you roll the argument around in your mouth, there is nothing sexy or good about a pudgy fat stomach. But nevertheless I joined in with Red and hesitantly pulled my shirt off for this stretch of hopefully deserted trail. After being so frickin hot it was a welcome feel to have the breeze on my skin...too bad that breeze couldn't make me feel comfortable in my own skin because I wasn't. At all. 3 miles later my shirt was back on and any discomfort I was feeling was quickly washed away with the downpour that met us for the next part of our run... I guess that really could fall into the category of "out of my control" problem #1.

Besides the weather and my overly abundant belly, there are other things that are happening that feel out of my control but they're just too boring to go in to. Selling my house, aspects of my husbands job, my ridiculous new haircut...blah, blah, blah I've already lost interest in my own problems. But I will say this-during my run this morning everything that I can't control bounced around my head with a force that should have given me a concussion yet I felt that the one thing I could control at that moment was how I put one foot in front of the other. I ran strong and I ran with purpose...even if it was only to try to escape the out of control demon who has taken up residence in my life. I'm hoping I can draw that kind of control comfort from my runs in the future.